Sweet Like Rain and Ocean Salt
by Violet Scarlet Lily
Summary: CharliexClaire. He knew he was going to die - she didn't know it was their last kiss. She pushes his name past the boulder-sized knot in her throat every day so she doesn't forget how it tastes on her dry lips. Sweet like rain and salty like ocean water.


**Hey everybody! Here is the PB&J CharliexClaire Chaire CC whatever you wanna call it fanfic set to Last Kiss by Taylor Swift. I promised it to you in the a/n in The Love of A Father. :) I highly doubt that Taylor Swift meant this to be about a guy who died - but I thought of it that way! So without further ado, here is Sweet Like Rain and Ocean Salt:**_  
_

_I still remember the look on your face  
Lit through the darkness at 1:58  
The words that you whispered  
For just us to know_

She remembers the last few days they had together. She remembers how she woke up from being sick and he was holding her hand. She remembers feeling safer than she had felt in a very long time. She remembers how he looked her in the eyes and held her close and told her that he'd never let her go – that he loved her. She remembers how his face looked in the blue half-light casted on them by the moon. She remembers his gentle face and his deep blue eyes. She remembers every little detail – the way he smelled of rain and freshly chopped wood and guitar strings. She remembers how the black nail polish was chipping off of his fingernails and how his hair curled at the ends when it grew long and how the tips of the fingers on his left hand were calloused and smooth. She remembers how he would hold her close at night and tell her sweet love stories or sing in her ear until she fell asleep.

_You told me you loved me  
So why did you go_

_Away?  
Away_

He said he loved her. She just laughed quietly. He told her that he loved her – but why did he have to leave? Why did he leave? _Why did he have to go away_? Never mind that he died for her – she'd rather have him alive, back with her, safe and not chivalrous, rather than heroic and dead.

_I do recall now the smell of the rain_  
_Fresh on the pavement_  
_I ran off the plane_  
_That July 9th_  
_The beat of your heart_  
_It jumps through your shirt_  
_I can still feel your arms_

She has this dream where she gets rescued, and she runs off of the rescue plane and he's there waiting for her. It smells like rain always. Rain on pavements – like the way Charlie smells like fresh rain when she feels him at night as soon as she stops thinking. He holds her tight and she can feel his heart beating like a snare drum – boomboomboom. She feels her heartbeat quicken until it matches his, one pounding, hurtling heartbeat. Then she wakes up with the sun and she thinks he's still there – that she's been rescued.

_But now I'll go sit on the floor  
Wearing your clothes  
All that I know is  
I don't know how to be something you miss  
_

When she retreated into the jungle, she took only a few things with her from the beach camp – one of them was Charlie's black hoodie. She lives in it because it smells like him. Like sweet rain and ocean salt and wood and guitar strings, and faint whiffs of heroin. But mostly like sweet then salty, sweet again before metallic and bitter and lonely but still sweet. She spends her days sitting on the jungle floor wearing his graphic t-shirts and his black hoodie because she thinks he's holding her close. Him, him, with his ocean eyes that saw beyond her petty problems into her soul that he somehow managed to love. He was the only one in the world who had hands sweet and gentle enough to hold her very patched up and breakable heart. She just doesn't know how to get him back. He misses her, she knows it. She just doesn't know if he misses her enough to come back from wherever he is now. She likes to think that he's in heaven.

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
Never imagined we'd end like this  
Your name, forever the name on my lips  
_

She never could have imagined how it all would end – not the last time he kissed her and Aaron goodbye. He knew, he knew he was going to die – but, but, but…she would've kissed him harder if she could've known that this would be their last kiss – that she would spend the next three years alone in the jungle with chapped lips rasping out his name. The one thing she thought she could always depend on. _Charlie._ She pushes the name past the boulder-sized knot in her throat every day so she doesn't forget how it tastes on her dry lips. Sweet like rain and salty like ocean water.

_I do remember  
The swing of your step  
The life of the party, you're showing off again  
_

She remembers how he told everyone about his band when they first got out here – when he played guitar at first to see if anyone recognized him – his hands shaking with the effects of withdrawal. She remembers how those hands that learned to be steady played across the shiny metallic guitar strings. She remembers how everyone loved Charlie – everyone, even the people who pretended not to. He was the life of the island – he was the one who kept them together. She remembers his walk – how it was so full of _life._

_And I roll my eyes and  
You pull me in  
I'm not much for dancing  
But for you I did_

She never was a dancer – no, especially not when she was dark haired wearing combat boots in a tattoo and piercing parlor. No, she was never graceful or coordinated like that. But if he asked – she would dance the night away before a thousand eyes – she'd do anything for him. She wished they had gone back – had been saved – _together._

_Because I love your handshake, meeting my father_  
_I love how you walked with your hands in your pockets_  
_How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something_  
_There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions_

She wishes they had been rescued together. She would've reconciled with her father – she would have found him again and told him that she was so, so sorry. And Charlie would shake his hand and say "I'm Charlie, Charlie Pace" and Claire would laugh because she loved the way he talked, smoothing over the 'r' and dipthonging the a. Now that he's gone, she loves everything about him. She loves that he'd walk with her down the beach with his hands stuffed into his pockets, how she'd be in the middle of a rant or a tantrum and he'd just kiss her – he'd silence everything she was afraid of, everything she was upset about with a single quick kiss. She misses the feeling of the sweet taste of his lips on hers – the taste that was sweet like rain and salty like the ocean and smelled of guitar strings and fresh chopped wood.

_But now I'll go sit on the floor_  
_Wearing your clothes_  
_All that I know is_  
_I don't know how to be something you miss_  
_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_  
_Never imagined we'd end like this_  
_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

She tastes his name all the time – when it first happened she thought it would hurt to say his name, but it doesn't. It tastes sweet like a flood on her parched lips – it tastes joyful like a gentle rainfall, soft and sweet and wonderful like his ocean eyes.

_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep_

She replays every moment that she ever spent with him like a slideshow of pictures in her mind– like flashes of a dream of a dream, like something that happened to someone that she used to be. She watches her imaginary Charlie love her again the way she used to watch real Charlie's face as they slept.

_And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe  
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are  
Hope it's nice where you are_

Sometimes she thinks that he's forgetting her – sometimes she's afraid that she's forgetting him. Sometimes she's afraid that a day will come when she can't remember how the black nail polish was chipping off of his fingernails and how his hair curled at the ends when it grew long and how the tips of the fingers on his left hand were calloused and smooth. Sometimes she's afraid that she'll forget his gentle touch and his dark blue eyes and the blond streaks in his hair and his laugh and how he always tried to be funny. She's afraid they'll forget each other – she sometimes thinks she can feel him forget her and herself forget him – just like how she felt his breath tickling the tip of her ear. She speaks to people who aren't there – people who knew him like she did and she asks them where Charlie is – how he is. She speaks to them – even though when she starts to think, they disappear. She hopes it's nice in heaven – she wants him to be happy – she hopes it's nice in heaven.

_And I hope the sun shines  
And it's a beautiful day  
And something reminds you  
You wish you had stayed  
_

She hopes it's beautiful in heaven – that the sun shines and never dies. She hopes that Charlie is up there walking the streets of gold, with the sun gleaming on the undying trees and crystal clear water that tastes sweet. She hopes every day is more beautiful than anything that could have happened here on earth. But she hopes there's a little something that tugs at his heartstrings and reminds him that she's here waiting to join him – she hopes that even though heaven is beautiful, he wishes he could come back to her. He hopes that he wants to come back to her instead of waiting for her to join him someday. She hopes it's beautiful in heaven.

_You can plan for a change in weather and time  
But I never planned on you changing your mind_

She never thought that he would actually die. She should've known when he changed his mind about how he felt about his fate that something would go wrong. They could always predict the weather – they could keep track of time – but she couldn't control that he died to save her.

_So I'll go sit on the floor_  
_Wearing your clothes_  
_All that I know is_  
_I don't know how to be something you miss_  
_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_  
_Never imagined we'd end like this_

She remembers everything about him – the way he smelled of rain and freshly chopped wood and guitar strings, how he'd sit on the beach and play his guitar, for her, she now knows. She remembers how when the name is pushed past the boulder-sized knot in her throat, it tastes sweet like rain and salty like ocean water on her tired lips. She remembers the horizon line of blue on bluer blue that they would stare out and look at together. She remembers his ocean eyes meeting hers and being something she could always trust. She lives in his clothes that smell like sweet rain and ocean salt and wood and guitar strings, and faint whiffs of heroin. And she never thought it would end with their last kiss.

_Your name, forever the name on my lips_  
_Just like our last kiss_  
_Forever the name on my lips_  
_Forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last_

__**Awwwww I wanna cry. Personally I thought that was pretty good - review and tell me what you think! If you like that, check out When We Go On, The Love of A Father, and Living Is Easy With Eyes Closed. :) Please review tell me how you feel about this one - Love always, Lily  
**


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